Why we opted for a marriage


If you read the “About” page of this blog (and if you haven’t please pause and do so before continuing) you saw the part where I said we opted for a marriage rather than a wedding.  While it is true that we got both (we had a wedding which resulted in our marriage), we did not want a big, fancy pants wedding.

Translated: I did not want a circus production and I did not want to be a performer on a stage doing the things everyone but the two of us wanted to do.  I did not want to be a puppet.  I also didn’t want to finance our future for the sake of a 4-5 hour event.  Hubby was ready to elope the day after he proposed in Vegas.  But, unless they have wedding chapels with funeral homes in them that wasn’t going to happen.  (my mom would have killed me)

As I got older, I realized that a wedding to me wasn’t really about having a lavish affair or spending gobs of money on an open bar and a DJ…to entertain everyone else.  And, it took me a year of being engaged to come full-circle and to realize that I really, really did not want that.

Why did it take me a year to realize that?  Well, have you seen what magazines and websites like The Knot.com promote?  Everything with their pages (both physical and virtual) is unrealistic, impractical, and ungodly expensive.  And, I came to the conclusion that even if I had a million dollars to plan a wedding I was not going to give it to the bloodsucking industry that is wedding planning.  They are evil.  They latch on to your emotions and they make you want things that you cannot afford.  They lure you (and your PARENTS!) into unreasonable debt.  Debt for which you have nothing to show for…and chances are you won’t remember much from this lavish event.  Except for what pictures you get…and you better hope those pictures are good!  (that’s the one thing I wasn’t willing to sacrifice…i really wanted good pictures…i wanted memories)

Because my mom preferred that we actually have a wedding event, I am the only girl after all, I had to think about what I wanted in a wedding.  What was important to me was that we had the people who wanted to be there…there.  I wanted it to be something memorable for everyone, but especially for us.  I also insisted that it was outdoors.  (Why people choose to rent beige rooms and spend $10k decorating them is beyond my comprehension.)  I knew I wanted orange flowers – regardless of what season we got married.  I wanted good pictures.  Candid pictures.  Memories.  People who were closest to use to share our special day.  And pizza.  I wanted pizza for dinner.  None of that stuffy, white-gloved cold, awful food that NO ONE eats at weddings.

My mother and I looked at over 50 places/venues.  I’m not kidding.  We looked coast to coast, near and far.  And I felt like Goldilocks: “this one is too bland, this one is too expensive, this one is too far removed…”  And then one day, as I was having a breakdown wishing we had just eloped and begged for forgiveness from my mom, hubby was helping me brainstorm some new ideas.  Then he said “what about New York City?”  At first, I rejected the idea (too far, too expensive).  But then I woke up the next day and did some research to find out it was EXACTLY what I wanted.  And I love, love, love NYC.  It was perfect.  And you know what?  I didn’t care that it was far and that it might cost some money.  As far as the expense of it, I knew it would cost far less than the circus production my mom wanted.  And as far it beign too far, I decided tha if people wanted to be there then they would be there.  And my mind was made up.  That was it.  And was SO, so excited.

It was outdoors in an amazing city that we both love.  It was green, it was on the water, it was surrounded by a magnificent skyline.  And we will never forget it.  It wasn’t just an event for the sake of an event.  It was our wedding…and it was very special to US.  It didn’t matter what anyone else thought because it was all about us.  And that’s why we loved it.  And I think that’s what makes our marriage special.  And our vows reflected it…

Our officiant, Judie, wrote this about marriage in our vows:

“Weddings are a relentless propagation of the idea of marriage; they arouse in us an impulse to become glamorous.  But a marriage has more substance…”


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